Monstrous Mums

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Natalie Young

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They were everywhere.

Mums.

Bigger than they’ve ever been before.

Boas. Lights. Streamers hovering inches from the floor, tauntingly threatening to trip their hosts. Bells. Glitter. Stuffed animals maliciously pinned to the epicenter of the massive creatures. Blue. Gold. School spirit oozing from each eye-catching ribbon in hopes of attracting prey.

This year, the mums were in control.

They overtook girls with the poor judgement to pin these monstrous creations to their shoulders, swallowing their entire middle, demanding the girls walk hunched over, driving them to the brink of insanity with incessant clinking.

The poor puppets of the monstrous mums were in a constant state of discomfort; all because they fell victim to their own competitive nature, craving a bigger, better mum than the year before.

These manipulative creatures get the timing right every year.

Just enough time had passed since last homecoming for girls to completely forget the effects of wearing their mums before.

Let this be a warning to all girls come next homecoming season. When given the choice between moderate or massive, remember there are dark forces behind this seemingly simple high school tradition.

Spread awareness about this topic with the hashtag #MumsAreEvil.

 

**This article is purely satirical and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Round-Up Online, anyone else affiliated with the website, or McAllen Memorial High School.

 

 

 

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