Baby, it’s Cold Outside

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Baby, it’s Cold Outside


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Break out the parkas, lock your heavily insulated doors, and gather the firewood: the frigid winds of October are upon us yet again.

Mustangs of all grade levels fought off the bitter cold early Thursday morning, going to extreme measures to ensure survival. Snow dogs treaded desperately through student and teacher parking lots, UGGS and riding boots unsuccessfully attempted to conceal frost bitten toes, and Starbucks sleeves overflowed from the schools garbage cans. With lows reaching a staggering 65 degrees and rising to an ungracious, glacial 90 degrees, survival is not guaranteed.

Students are even finding it hard to focus on schoolwork with the recent polar disruption. More than one instance has occurred where a student took hopelessly to Twitter, yearning for blankets to burrow in with a warm cuddle buddy. But relief has yet to come.

Teachers refuse to provide consolation. The Memorial building and classrooms remain ice-cold meat lockers, forcing students to resort to attend classes clad on their nicest winter sweaters, earmuffs, and mittens.

Memorial staff and students remain optimistic though, hoping against hope to be pulled out of this snow globe prison of 70 and 80 degree averages. The sun continues to taunt students with clear skies, but they remain in an icy purgatory. As the forecast calls for meek highs of low 90’s for the next week, many are left questioning when the numbing frost will subside.

Normal student life struggles to drone on as usual, despite the sleds and clunky snow boots being hauled around campus. Chattering teeth, red noses, and unflattering goose-bumps are gradually becoming an undeniable regularity.

Facebook and Twitter provide no shelter from the bitter cold, no matter how many posts students attempt to make. Refuge against the threatening frost bite and lonely cuddle buddies is futile. Only a few may make it out unscathed.

**This article is purely satirical and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Round-Up Online, anyone else affiliated with the website, or McAllen Memorial High School.